Dear Diary,
Its been too long. I am so in love with Rama. Although he is married to Sita, there is nothing that stops me from loving Rama. I cannot just stay still and wish that he will love me back in the future. I need a plan to earn Rama's love. Even though Ravana and Rama are not on good terms, there is nothing that can change my feelings for Rama. I know it is very stupid of me to have this affection for him, but I really can't control myself. I remember when I first saw Rama. He was looking for something to eat in the wild. Whenever he was struggling to find things to eat, I would leave some food in front of his house. Rama is just so attractive and good-looking. Although he does not know me or recognize me, my love for him will never fade away. I am going to tell him how I feel about him tomorrow.
Dear Diary,
I appeared in front of Rama and asked him if I could marry him. Without hesitation, Rama rejected me. It hurt so much that it made me want to kill Sita for taking my love. My uncontrollable instinct caused me to act like a jerk. I slapped Sita's face and she slapped me back. Because she knew that I loved her husband, she was mad at me also. I understood her side too, but there was nothing I could do about how I felt about him. I tried to rip her hair out and beat her up, but Lakshmana stopped me. Lakshmana knew that I was going to hurt Sita and become Rama's wife. To them, I was just an evil man's sister. Lakshmana knew that I was Ravana's sister because I told him before.I regret telling him that I was Ravana's sister. The world is so unfair to me.
Dear Diary,
On the next day, Ravana heard about the fight. Ravana wanted to pay back to Rama for beating me up. Because Ravana has so many heads, his thought process was unpredictable most of the time. I sensed that he was going to do something to Sita. Ravana's servant pulled me aside and told me Ravana's plan. She told me that Ravana was going to go visit Uncle Maricha and ask him to capture Sita with him. Out of all of my family members, Uncle Maricha had the reputation of being the strongest one and he was unbeatable. Ravana needed Uncle Maricha's power to capture Sita. I just did not understand why Ravana wanted Sita so bad, but I hope he does capture Sita. Now that I think about it, it is probably because Sita is beautiful. Although I don't see it, I heard many men wanted her as their wife before she married Rama. If Sita gets captured by Ravana, I might have a chance with Rama and become his wife. I am going to go pray to God so that Ravana and Uncle Maricha will win the battle against Rama. If they win, I will be able to have Rama by my side.
Author's Note
I chose this character because Shurpanakha appeared to be a very unique character. I like the fact that she was related to Ravana which made the story more intense. The story reminded me of those typical love stories such as Romeo and Juliet in which you fall in love with your enemy. Rama and Ravana were the worst enemies at the time and the story makes it more dramatic because Shurpanakha is Ravana's sister. It was sad to see her rejected in the story, so I wanted to elaborate on how she felt about Rama. Although she knew that Rama loved Sita, she was brave enough to confront Rama about her feelings. I chose to write a diary so that I could explain how Shurpanakha felt about the whole situation. I added some details about Shurpanakha's action toward Rama such as bringing food and slapping Sita. The book does not provide enough details, so I decided to add little pieces of details to make the story seem more dramatic. I made some changes to characters from the story. I had Ravana get involved with the story and made Maricha one of the strongest demons. I picked the image of Rama spurning the demon lover, Shurpanakha. The image portrays the feelings of both Rama and Shurpanakha. The picture clearly portrays how she felt when she got rejected. In the picture, it seems like Shurpanakha is on the ground mourning and Rama is telling her to go away.
Bibliography: Buck, William (1976). Ramayana: King Rama's Way.
Dear Diary,
On the next day, Ravana heard about the fight. Ravana wanted to pay back to Rama for beating me up. Because Ravana has so many heads, his thought process was unpredictable most of the time. I sensed that he was going to do something to Sita. Ravana's servant pulled me aside and told me Ravana's plan. She told me that Ravana was going to go visit Uncle Maricha and ask him to capture Sita with him. Out of all of my family members, Uncle Maricha had the reputation of being the strongest one and he was unbeatable. Ravana needed Uncle Maricha's power to capture Sita. I just did not understand why Ravana wanted Sita so bad, but I hope he does capture Sita. Now that I think about it, it is probably because Sita is beautiful. Although I don't see it, I heard many men wanted her as their wife before she married Rama. If Sita gets captured by Ravana, I might have a chance with Rama and become his wife. I am going to go pray to God so that Ravana and Uncle Maricha will win the battle against Rama. If they win, I will be able to have Rama by my side.
Author: Warwick Goble
Rama spurns the demon lover
I chose this character because Shurpanakha appeared to be a very unique character. I like the fact that she was related to Ravana which made the story more intense. The story reminded me of those typical love stories such as Romeo and Juliet in which you fall in love with your enemy. Rama and Ravana were the worst enemies at the time and the story makes it more dramatic because Shurpanakha is Ravana's sister. It was sad to see her rejected in the story, so I wanted to elaborate on how she felt about Rama. Although she knew that Rama loved Sita, she was brave enough to confront Rama about her feelings. I chose to write a diary so that I could explain how Shurpanakha felt about the whole situation. I added some details about Shurpanakha's action toward Rama such as bringing food and slapping Sita. The book does not provide enough details, so I decided to add little pieces of details to make the story seem more dramatic. I made some changes to characters from the story. I had Ravana get involved with the story and made Maricha one of the strongest demons. I picked the image of Rama spurning the demon lover, Shurpanakha. The image portrays the feelings of both Rama and Shurpanakha. The picture clearly portrays how she felt when she got rejected. In the picture, it seems like Shurpanakha is on the ground mourning and Rama is telling her to go away.
Bibliography: Buck, William (1976). Ramayana: King Rama's Way.
I love the style of telling stories through a diary. I have seen this done many times in this class, and I always enjoy it because it gives you a more in-depth look at the character’s feelings. So, definitely on first glance I loved your story.
ReplyDeleteMake sure to work on proofreading a little slower to really grasp different aspects and issues with the story. For example, there is an incorrect word choice in the first entry where you say that Rama and Ravana are not “in good terms”, when the expression is “on good terms”.
Also, make sure to watch your sentence length to give them more variation. Many of your sentences are pretty short, and it makes the story choppy. I feel like since this is a diary then the sentences would be longer and more fluid since they are feelings that are coming from her mind to the paper.
Your link worked well on the picture. However you did not give us any image information besides the link, so there should be more there.
Make sure to expand on your author’s note a little more. Summarize the actual story of what happened to help us relate it back to what we just read. You could also elaborate a little bit more as to why you like her or why exactly you found her relationship with Ravana to be interesting.
Other than that, good job!
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how you told this story in diary format. It makes for an interesting story, to see someone's deepest thoughts written down! The story is really short, though. I feel like you could have added a lot more, and maybe even gone past the last entry to add what ended up happening between Ravana and Sita. You also need to add a description to you image! Other than that, good job!
Hey Jae! I love that you chose to write a story about Shurpanakha, she is such a unique character and not a lot of people in this class have written about her. I like that you went with a diary format because that really shows how her attitude and feelings have progressed with the story. I especially loved that little detail in the beginning of her leaving food for Rama. Great story!!
ReplyDeleteI like that you did this in diary form. I think it’s interesting to see inside Shurpanakha’s mind, because to me she is kind of a crazy person! I think my favorite line of your story was when you said, ‘Because Ravana has so many heads, his thought process was unpredictable sometimes.’ I loved that! I think you really nailed Ravana’s personality on the head. You did a good job and I enjoyed reading your storytelling post this week! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how you told the story as a diary entry; it was really cool to see her deepest feelings in a way that we don’t get to see in the readings. I think that Shurpanakha is a really interesting character, so I really like that you told the story from her perspective! You did a great job with the imagery. Awesome story!
ReplyDeleteI like how you chose to this a storytelling post in diary form. I also liked the fact that you decided to write from Shurpanakha’s point of view. I always find it interesting when a character’s deepest thoughts are revealed! We don’t really learn too much about Shurpanakha’s character in the Ramayana so this story was definitely enjoyable for me. Good job!
ReplyDeleteJae,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story. I have not used the idea of retelling my story from a diary view and I think that you did a great job with it. I love how it is a dramatic love story and how you really explained in detail about how Shurpanakha’s feelings towards Rama. You really make it known that she is so in love with him and will almost do anything to be with him. Another detail I really enjoyed was how you made it known that Shurpanakha was vulnerable after she was rejected by Rama. I couldn’t imagine asking someone to marry me knowing that they were married. After reading the entire story the diary entry was definitely the best decision because it explained Shurpanakha’s feeling for Rama on a day to day basis. However I would have liked for you to maybe elaborate more about the silly things like the food and slapping Sita, it would have made the Diary entry even juicer! But other than that great job!
Hey Jae!
ReplyDeleteI really loved your story this week! I always find the diary type stories to be very interesting because it allows us to get a lot of personal information that we wouldn't get in another storytelling method! Also this type of storytelling style always seems to be a little more difficult for me to write because you have to really understand the character to make it a great story. I think you accomplished this excellently!
I am glad you wrote from Shurpanakha point of view. When I read this part in the book, I found it very interesting that Shurpanakha would go to such extremes to make Rama her husband. I also liked that you had her leave them food at their door. It really showed that she loved Rama, and would do anything to help him.
The one thing I would try to do in the future is expand a little on the author's note. This is something I struggle with at times. It will be really helpful once we start writing our stories for our projects because those author's notes must be longer. Other then that great job!!
I really enjoy reading stories written in diary form. It's an awesome way to get into a characters mind and show exactly how you think they feel. Shurpanakha sounds like a woman that's madly in love and has become obsessed with Rama. Her obsession leads her to act crazy, and you did a great job showing that through her actions. The content of the story is excellent.
ReplyDeleteThere were a few things I think you missed when proofreading. This statement here's confusing, and it seems like you missed a word or had an extra "but was stopped by Lakshmana was beaten up by Lakshmana." Also, your last sentence should say "it will be a win-win situation for both Ravana and I." There was also a small error with the verb tense here "Because Ravana has so many heads, his thought process was unpredictable sometimes," which should be his thought process IS unpredictable sometimes. Besides these few small errors you did a great job, and they didn't take away from the content of the story! Good job!
I really enjoyed your story! I saw a couple things that you could work on. However, I felt like a lot of it was simply just proofreading before publishing your story. We are all in a hurry, but just those couple extra minutes could really help the clarity of your story. I saw one sentence that looked like you forgot the period and the subject. I was able to figure out what you meant, but obviously reading what you actually meant would be awesome! I love how this is a diary entry by Shurpanaka about her love for Rama. I was very surprised that you decided to make SIta a violent character as she is known for one of the purity sisters. It was suspenseful! I thought your author's note was insightful. The picture might be my favorite part. It really does give a great visual to the emotions going on in this point of the story. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Jae,
ReplyDeleteThe writing style that you chose is one of my favorites. I really enjoy reading stories that are formatted as diary entries. It allows the writer express the true feelings and perspective of a particular character.
Overall, the story flowed well. Like others have posted before, I think the main thing you need to work on is proofreading your story before publishing. I am terrible about doing it myself, sometimes. I have found that reading the story out loud really helps me to catch simple mistakes such as a missing word here, or a word that was actually typed twice.
Another piece of advice I have is to change up the beginning of your sentences. Quite a few of them begin with "Because," and the story would read much better if you switched it up a bit. I look forward to reading more stories in your portfolio, good job!